Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Well this has been the worst year in my almost 40 years!

A lot of my friends and family are wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Well here it is all wrapped up for you.

Last year and the beginning of this one I was fighting to save my home. We were being foreclosed on. I did save it.

Then on April 23rd my husband of 13 years announces out of the blue, at least it was to me, that he is not happy and he is leaving me. And he did.

My mother passed on July 31st. We did not have a great relationship and we had a lot of hostility between us and I feel bad about all we left unsaid.

Then my darling husband decided HE wants to live in our house and he asked me to move out. I didn't get much of a vote. I had to move. So now the home I fought for that is now a broken home and barely a house I am evicted from because he wants it.

Last week a very dear friend who happens to be my sons Great Grandmother passed away. She was one of just a few people who I could talk too.

I have lost 50 lbs, crying burns a lot of calories. But I have no money for clothes so if you see me naked pay me no mind. I am often sick. I don't sleep. I cry all the time and I am very depressed.

So to sum it up I lost my husband , my Mom, my home, my mind and a grandmother in a little over 6 months.
I will also be 40 in just a few weeks. YAH ME!
I wish I could go to sleep and wake up in a new year with a fresh new start.
I am seriously thinking of skipping Thanksgiving, my birthday, and Christmas!
Did I mention that the schedule that my thoughtful husband came up with states that he has our son Thanksgiving and Christmas. WTF

Thursday, October 20, 2011

What do you do when everything you thought you knew was wrong?
What do you do when the thing you want the most you cannot have?
What do you do when everything you touch brakes or argues with you?
What do you do when you know how to fix something but your not allowed?
What do you do when your heart is hurting and you have no will to go on?
What do you do???????????

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

No things are not any better.
How long can you give of yourself before you run out of you? Is it an endless supply? Who refills it? Where does it come from?
I feel like I am running low.

Monday, May 30, 2011

I have had to face things this last month that nothing could have ever prepared me for. I am not dealing very well with it.
How do you except things that effect your life that you had no say in and are not allowed to try to fix them? HOW?
I am having difficulty focusing on anything except those things that I can not change. I tell myself to have faith and things will work themselves out. Well that's bullshit. Anyone who know me, knows I have no patience. That when I see something wrong I want to fix it. Well I can't fix this and it is making me crazy. How do you get patience? Where do you get them? How do you give up on something you want so badly and move on? Because I can't.
No I don't want to talk about it yet. Just say a prayer for me and forgive me if I have been a bit distracted lately. I am dealing with a lot. Feel free to send me any suggestions with learning to let things happen.

Monday, March 14, 2011

How many jobs is too many?
I am currently...
1st A mom and really awesome Mom too.
2ND Home school teacher.
A really hard teacher I'm told.
3rd Wife The best wife Robert ever had :)
4Th Care giver for my Mom and Roberts Grandma who is 96.
Which reminds me I forgot to go by and take in my
moms trash cans. I'm in trouble now.
5Th A chef.
6Th A substitute teacher.
7Th Landscaper
8Th Accountant
9Th Farmer
10Th Chicken keeper
11Th Dog Walker
12Th Dish washer
Why can't men run water in a dish
when they put it in the sink?
13Th Garbage Man
14Th Best Friend I rock at this one.
15Th Boat repair and painter.
16Th Driver and delivery person.
17Th Appointment scheduler.
18Th Mover of friends furniture.
19Th Baby sitter of Grand kids and assorted nieces and nephews
20Th........Blogger!!! Yeah
I actually get paid for 3 of these. Can you guess which ones?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Are you just marking time ? Or are you actually checking things off on your list?

Depends on what day you ask me. Most days I feel like I'm not making any progress on the Great List of things to do before we can sail off in to the sunset.
I sit here drinking a cup of tasty Dominican coffee that was a gift from a friend who was sailing the Caribbean. She is not currently sailing now and her boat sits as idle as ours. She had to go home and work. Which is my least favorite 4 letter word. What will I do when this coffee, now one of my favorites, is gone? I can't ask her to send more.
We sailed the Bahamas that first season we owned the boat and I think the first thing that comes to mind about that trip is the bread. You quickly run out of store bought bread when you take a extended trip on a sail boat. So off you go in search of ice and bread at every port of call. Ice was a given you knew it would be expensive and most of it would melt before you got it back to the boat. The bread however was an adventure in it's own. Go to this store, I was told. No, you must go to the straw market. You have to be there early or it will all be gone. You must place an order the day before. But we were not here the day before and may not be here tomorrow. Quickly I found it was worth the wait. Bimini bread is the best bread I have ever eaten! It never lasted long on the boat as we ate every morsel before it had the chance to get stale or heaven forbid moldy.
So I spent time with the local ladies, made a dear friend in Bimini, and learned who had the best bread in Alice town. I learned to slow down and enjoy a bit of the waiting. Waiting is not one of my strong points. It takes me weeks to adjust to being on the boat. Long extended periods of waiting. The destination I have planned and the things I will see and experience just as soon as the Captain sees fit in delivering us there in his meandering way. I really think some days he procrastinates just to torture me. Or maybe in his own way he is helping me to learn how to slow down. Naa I think he is just torturing me!
In somethings you can not wait. The boat is not going to fix its self and the things on the "list" will not go away. They must be done before we can leave. So as the Captain teaches me to slow down on the boat I must teach him to hurry up on land. I am almost out of coffee and can just smell the baking bread wafting across the gulf stream. Then of course there are those things yet to be discovered. There are 100"s of kinds of rum to sample before I can say without a doubt which is my favorite!
Honey time to go work on the boat!! HURRY!